How to Be Stop Being Easily Offended

Are you someone that gets easily offended? We all have moments when our feelings get hurt from actions or words from a family member, friend, or significant other. Sometimes we can be so quick to put on our boxing gloves and be ready for a fight when it’s best to just calm down and take a breath. Although we can’t control how people treat us, we can control our reaction towards them. 

There are situations where people behave in legitimate offensive ways that are intended to hurt our feelings, and you have every right to walk away from that relationship if it is toxic or they don’t apologize for their behavior. However, there are other times where it might just be a miscommunication between you and your loved one or friend and sometimes it will take a heart-to-heart conversation to hear the other person’s perspective so you can gain a better understanding and move forward on better terms.  

Here are some ways I’ve learned to lighten up a bit and not take things so personally:

1. Try Your Best to Remain Calm

When someone offends us, the hardest thing to do is to turn the other cheek and not get angry or seek revenge. Controlling your reaction towards others in the middle of an argument or even with a snide comment is a sign of maturity and self-discipline. You might want to say something snarky back or even go off on someone in the heat of the moment but doing so won’t solve the problem and will only make things worse.

Just like we can train our bodies to run a marathon, we can also train our minds and tongues not to react when we’re met with an emotional or offensive response from someone else. This type of training is much more difficult than training in the gym, but you and your relationships will be healthier for it.

2. Practice Empathy

Practicing empathy is another tool that is so important in relationships and it’s something that will help you focus outward rather than inward which will lead to you not getting offended so easily. Sometimes it’s best to take time apart and think about the other person’s perspective and put yourself in their shoes. Then when things cool down a bit,  approach them with empathy and understanding so they feel like you understand their concerns better.

Once you have a mutual understanding and respect for the other person, you’re on a level playing field and can then have a meaningful conversation. When two people approach a conversation with mutual respect and understanding, you will minimize the chance of saying something offensive because you are leading with empathy instead of trying to get your point across.

3. Recognize It May Not Be About You

It’s been said that “hurt people, hurt people.” Realize that people in your life may be dealing with things that you’re not even aware of and the root of their offensive behavior may not have anything to do with you. Perhaps something you said or did triggered an old wound and that’s why they acted out or said something hurtful towards you. We all have triggers that may come out in our relationships in ugly ways. We have to give ourselves grace as well as our loved ones. Recognize that we’re all just trying to do our best and deal with the cards we’ve been handed. Be kind and try to put yourself in your loved one’s shoes. 

It’s important to note that relationships are built on mutual respect so if your loved one can’t express their feelings to you without being offensive or hurtful, there might be deeper issues going on within them that require professional help. If you’ve tried to empathize with them and they still refuse to see your perspective, realize it might be best to distance yourself from that particular individual even if they are family or a close friend. Until both parties can come together with mutual respect and understanding for the other person, a relationship cannot be built. Sometimes the best solution is for someone to get counseling or to see a therapist to help heal whatever wounds that are causing them to react in a way that makes it impossible to have healthy communication.

4. Practice Humility

Part of the reason why we get offended easily is that our ego might be so inflated that we have difficulty taking any constructive criticism or we fail to understand that the world has different opinions and experiences than our own. We all want to be loved and accepted by people in our lives. However, part of living in a diverse world is that people are going to have different opinions, experiences, and values and that’s ok. Understanding and accepting that we all have different life experiences will help us not to take things so personally when we’re met with a different opinion or belief about something.

You can still love people and not agree with who they vote for, which church they attend or how they choose to live their lives. Especially in the highly divisive and polarized political world we live in today, try to be open to listening to other people who might have a different perspective than you do. Listening is the first step to us coming together on issues that divide us. Again, having a relationship built on mutual respect and understanding is the key to having meaningful conversations and not being easily offended when people have a differing viewpoint or opinion. 

5. Stay Close to Jesus

During this time of Lent, we’re called to deepen our prayer life and give up certain things to get closer to Christ. Our relationship with God forms a solid foundation on how we face the world around us. Being resilient and not easily offended by others means that we have to believe that in all situations, God is working for our good. When we have a firm footing in God’s truth, people who slight us or offend us are no consequence to us because we have God on our side. 

Finally, and this might be the most difficult situation we could find ourselves in with a loved one, when we speak truth to others and they take it as an offense, all we can do is speak it in love and then give it to God. If we have good intentions with our words, and someone takes offense to them because they’re not ready to hear the truth, then the situation is out of your control and the best thing to do is just to let go and let God.

So, the next time you’re in a situation where you’ve been hurt by a loved one or they have offended you in some way, take a step back and put everything into perspective, practice empathy, and have those meaningful conversations to move forward on better terms.  Most importantly, know who is on your team and memorize Romans 8:31:

xoxo,

This post was inspired by the homily series entitled “No Offense” by Saint Mary Catholic Church in Fort Walton Beach, FL. You can read or listen to the full homily here.